Hello fellow lymies!
I began this journey with lyme disease, healing, and spiritual growth ten years ago now. Wow, how time flies. During this time I have done an extraordinary amount of research, experimentation, and application of healing protocols. My hope with this blog is to share my experiences with the best of what has worked for me in a way that is easy for the brain-fogged community I love so much to read and sift through. My two loves of study have been ancient spiritual teachings and healing the body (from lyme). They obviously are interconnected, or maybe it isn’t so obvious? Having a chronic illness has been for me like a spiritual quest, and a physical quest actually. The physical and emotional are two sides of the same coin. I like to make sure my treatments are really getting at the physical nature of the illness, really killing off lyme or rejuvenating my body in some way, but at the same time there is our shadow nature, our deep subconscious that we must bring to light and purify in order to truly heal. It took many years of meditation and spiritual ceremonial work for me to even gain a true awareness of how much was going on under the surface in my deep subconscious mind. Everything in the world is of a dualistic nature, so to know your shadow (we can use words here like ego, subconscious, unconsious) is to know your power! It is a paradox, like everything is when you get closer to unity consciousness.
The Irony of where my Journey began
I didn’t even have lyme, I was 23, and I was over our culture of materialism, authority, and lies. I craved the deep, I prayed for it actually. I felt such a sense of emptiness, and I pleaded for a way of life that could show me meaning, depth, and something more. Boy did the universe answer that one! I was guided to go live at an ashram dedicated to the teachings of my now Guru Paramhansa Yogananda. I had never meditated at that point. I had been more involved in new age and native american circles and teachings after my rejection of my childhood religion of Christianity which provided me no answers at all, not the kind I was looking for. Later I would come full circle and reintegrate Christ into my spiritual tapestry. I hadn’t found the depth I was looking for in the new age teachings, but certainly gained tremendous benefit from my time with them and they are a part of my path, my eclectic spiritual make up, and a part of me.
At the time, I was suffering from a sudden onset of low back pain, and I couldn’t waitress any longer, even sitting in the college classes was very painful. So the pain, the physical pain, was a trigger for the exploration of self I was about to embark on. But there were many other contributing factors. I decided to hike out into the canyons of the colorado river, near my Las Vegas dwelling, and I went miles into the mother’s bosom, alone. I had never done this before, but I felt a strong need to contact God in a sacred place, so I just followed my feet. When I found myself alone, very alone with the presence of nature I started to pray. Not just any prayer this time. This was a soul cry, a very deep calling. In fact, I screamed. Where are you God??? Why all this suffering and pain? What is my purpose? What am I supposed to do now? I want a life of deep spiritual meaning! HELP ME!!! It was the kind of call that I could feel the universe wake up, like it was a law of physics or something that when a call like that goes out, it creates ripples in the fabric of your reality. The pain of my life had created enough momentum and force to push me onto the path of the razor’s edge. A path I would never have chosen to walk if things were going A ok. But here I am walking on the road less travelled.
After this soul cry, I was internally guided to go to the library and get a stack of books on Yoga. I thought at the time it was about healing the back pain I was experiencing. Nope, much more than that. Amongst the stack was a book about Ashrams. What the hell was an ashram? When I began reading about these intentional communities dedicated to spiritual seeking and meditation and yoga I about lost my mind with excitement! I kept thinking what? Are these places real? I have to go. And so I looked through the book’s directory of Ashrams, picked one, called them, and before I knew it I was renting out my home, and on my way to experience God’s answer to my call. What a world view changer this one would be.
When I got to Ananda I definitely experienced culture shock. There was a distinct energy to this place, very powerful, calm, peaceful, charged with life force. I spent nine months, which I find perfect for a rebirth, living like a true Yogi. I meditated at least two hours a day, did hatha yoga several hours a day, and worked in the kitchen as a vegetarian chef apprentice. In many ways, I had the absolute time of my life during my stay there. I found the teachings to contain real answers to the questions of life, and the practices were actually changing me and I could feel it. This was 2003, I arrived in May, and was bit by a tick in August when I developed a rash all over my thy’s. I went to the local clinic with the rash and was diagnosed with tinea, a fungal rash of the skin. Wrong. I went back in September for the sudden onset bilateral knee pain and was told it was because my feet were pronating, so I went to a podiatrist. Wrong. I went back over and over for the new and overwhelming symptoms that developed as the months went by and the lyme left untreated. Symptoms included severe body pain and aches, joint pains, depression, severe fatigue, and debilitation of some functions that would change all the time, migrate, move around in my body. I had no idea what was happening to me. It was a very scary time. Finally in December, a friend of mine told my Mom to tell me about lyme disease. I looked it up, and voila! That was it. I knew it, as my symptoms and their progression was textbook lyme. Unfortunately, they didn’t even suspect it. It was Northern CA in the mountains, and the medical professionals knew close to nothing about spotting this in their patients. We all know this is it’s own topic, so I will leave it alone for now. When I brought my suspicion that my body’s deterioration was contributed to lyme, the PA put me on doxycycline for 6 weeks. This is when I learned about the word herxheimer, omg.
I talked with my spiritual director at the time about my body. I told her, my knees are giving out on me, my back is in constant pain, I’m so scared I will be paralyzed because I do not know what is going on with my body. She looked me straight in my eyes and with all seriousness said, “so”. I was hurt, in shock. wtf? She went on to explain how we are all in prison, the prison of our mind and we must not be attached to the body, as it is not what’s important. At the time I couldn’t hear this at all. Now, I get it. She didn’t mean not to treat the body or try to heal it. It was about the suffering my mind was adding to the suffering of my body. Being in the world, but not of the world is the same concept. There is so much we do with our minds and emotions that cause suffering on top of suffering. And that is something I have worked with extensively. And, ya know, I find that I suffer less all the time, even when I am still in pain.
I want this blog to reflect my own true nature and the nature of my journey which has uniquely woven ancient spiritual disciplines with modalities to heal the physical, meanwhile practicing non-attachment and decreasing suffering, uncovering the light within, and finding our internal moral compass, our intuition. Our intuition is the best tool in helping us heal, I have found nothing more profound because it is a living guidance that is from our own highest nature, our soul. It is the best teacher we will ever have, and if we work hard enough to remove the dirt from our consciousness, get still, and feel into our deepest nature, we can make an ally of it. Because wouldn’t it suck if you got healed physically, but remained a hot mess inside? You would have a healthy body and a sick mind, which many people do.
Physically, I find that I am well for someone living with lyme disease. I am not well compared with a “normal” healthy person. But I do not make comparisons of that kind anymore. I have learned to manage the lyme, which is a full time job, and keep myself from getting worse, cleansing and purifying my body, and I am always working on new healing methods that will support me in my healing journey. I have gone deep, very deep, down the rabbit hole of healing. I lived and taught at the Ann Wigmore Institute of Puerto Rico eating a diet of all living foods, and enjoying a plethera of wheatgrass enemas. I’ve strictly water fasted for 30 days, and I do NOT suggest this. I’ve had IV antibiotic regimens, years of oral and IM antibiotics, herbal treatments, alternative treatments, rife machines, zappers, colloidal silver, IV nutrients and antiviral regimens, shamanic herbal treatment including ayahuasca, ozone therapy, bee venom therapy, gerson therapy, juicing and cleansing, essential oils. The list can go on and on, and it does. I will write about as much as I can in terms of treatments that have proven helpful. And while some of these things helped and some did not, I can say this, I feel no effort has been in vain. All efforts are viable on your healing path, so it is not a waste to try something if it does not work. That is wonderful! You now have more knowledge. Yay.
I hope this will be a service to my lyme community. Thanks so much for stopping by.