Feeling Good and Sending Out Hope!

24 Tuesday Aug 2010

Posted by in Feeling Good Sending Out Hope

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I have been feeling pretty good lately, and just wanted to post an update to spread hope. Its more often that you read about how bad someone is doing with lyme than not, so I want to make a real effort here just to send out the message that you CAN feel GOOD. I have carved out my own path on the road of lyme disease, and for the past few months I have been feeling much better. This week I was able to  work four days! I even got my first paycheck in about five years. It’s a super small one, but still, yay.  Just two months ago I felt like I was on my death bed, and I’m not saying my current state is permanent, but I have learned to FULLY live when you get the gift of energy. So that’s what Im doing..living. It took about a month and a half of being back on my doxy protocol, combined with colloidal silver this time, to really start feeling better. For those of you who are interested, I am including a complete list of my current protocol, which is keeping me well above 70%, for now anyway, things can always change with lyme.

My Treatment protocol:

100 mg doxycycline 2x daily

2 nystatin 2x daily (keeps me yeast free without toxic effects of diflucan)

T3, bio-identical thyroid replacement

Bee venom therapy

colloidal silver, about three tablespoons a day

probiotic therapy, two supplements and yogurt daily

Palliative Care (also very important for quality of life!):

Darvocet (for pain, I have found it to be the best choice, mild but effective)

robaxin (for muscle spasms, as needed)

xanax (to sleep at night)

I think the key to the “lyme climb” is consistency and persistence. If one thing doesn’t work either rethink it or try something else, but DON’T give up. For example, when I started on doxycycline, my doc put me on 300-400 mg a day, and I just couldn’t handle it, and that is how I finally discovered the lower doses over long periods of time, and that is what worked for me.  It is super important to be doing something at all times for the lyme, you just have to find what is right for you. The times I am sickest is when I am taking nothing at all.

Think about palliative care as well, it is a big consideration given the agony lyme disease causes. For years I toughed it out, and the pain just wore me down, making me very depressed. I have used antidepressants for periods of time as well, I only say this here to say they are simply a tool that can help at certain points in time. Also make sure you are taking care of your emotional and spiritual bodies. This is probably more important than anything, as the root cause of all disease is at those levels. Meditation has been a real transformational tool that has helped me in more ways than I can say. Find ways to internal happiness that don’t require the body to be perfect!  http://www.ananda.org/meditation/learn/technique.html

Social Security Disability for Lyme Disease: A how to guide

21 Wednesday Jul 2010

Posted by in Social Security Disability for Lyme: A How to Guide

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Not only am I a lyme disease sufferer, but I am also a trained social worker. Because of this, I understand both sides of the coin, and have learned (the hard way over time) how to navigate the system. Life has created a very unique path for me to walk and I would like to share my knowledge with those of you who are financially desolate, unable to work due to lyme disease, and having a hard time navigating the system.

A quick look at my path to SSD (Social Security Disability):

First of all, you should know, it took me four years to get approved for SSD. It is a lengthy process and you WILL be denied the first time you apply. Do not take this personally or let it bring you down in any way. It has nothing to do with your worthiness. If you have lyme and you cannot work, you are eligible for SSD and Medicare, it is just that you have to be persistent and go through the hoops the system has created. On top of that you need to have a medical doctor you can trust who can and will document your case, the best bet is to have a LLMD (Lyme Literate Medical Doctor).

When I first applied, I was denied and gave up. I felt that I must not deserve it. During that time I was in Georgia receiving IV antibiotic treatment from a very compassionate doctor. I stopped by a disability advocate office just to ask a few questions. It was, ironically, a social worker (this was before I became one) who sat me down and explained the process to me step by step, including the obstacles I would face. She told me that unless you are blind or a quadrapelegic, you will be denied your first time, and maybe even through your appeals. Once you are denied the first time you have 60 days to appeal the decision. I was denied 3 times, and that is the magic number. On my third denial I contacted a lawyer to represent me, I found out that this is sometimes the only way to get through the red tap. The lawyers who take on disability cases only take a percentage of your back pay, they require no money paid up front. Once I got to this point, I received a letter from the court hearing office informing me that because we were “short” on judges in Nevada that I would be waiting 24 months to get a hearing. At this point I had sold my home and spent all of the money I had on treatments, but was still getting worse. I was desperate, so I wrote everyone I knew and asked if they would contact my senators (Reid and Ensign at the time) about my case. There was no way I could have held out another 2 years just for a decision, I needed health care and income. My mother also wrote to the senators and contacted their offices. Within three days I got a call from Harry Reid’s office saying they received over 130 emails on my behalf (Thank you to all those people!) and that they would be assigning me an advocate and helping me with my case. I got a court hearing within 2 months! It was a fight, a long hard one on top of the fight for my life, but in the end I won. I hope my story inspires you to keep fighting and pursuing this. While it is not much money, it comes with health insurance and has been a huge blessing that has helped me get a lot better and survive.

Being that lyme is totally misunderstood by doctors just for us to get treatment, the path to get disability income and health care is even more difficult. Some people with lyme can work. And I believe you should if you can. But when the disease becomes too overwhelming, this is a solid alternative that can provide income and health insurance. I am an advocate for all lyme patients because I know first hand it’s devastating effects.

Something you should know about SSD is that it is NOT welfare! It is an insurance policy that you pay into while you are working. So if you become ill after working in the system, you are entitled to benefits!

Steps to take:

1. Go to your local social security office and ask for an application for SSD and Medicare. Or visit them online and do the application there: http://ssa-custhelp.ssa.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/326

2. Make sure to be going to a doctor that is knowledgeable of lyme, and get all of your records (from all the docs you’ve been to). Keep track of all the things you do to try and get better, and document the abilities you’ve lost.

3. Turn your completed application in: wait for your answer which will most likely be a NO the first and maybe even through your third appeal. If you get it on the first try, congrats, you are lucky!

4. Appeal, Appeal, Appeal!

5. Get an attorney that specializes in SSD cases in your area. They take a certain percentage of your back pay, if you are approved. Otherwise you pay nothing.

6. At your hearing: state your case and fight for yourself, bring family members in, and find ways of measuring how lyme has affected you.

7. Keep your head up, and know that there is hope out there for a cure! Meanwhile, be willing to accept help from all directions and develop coping mechanisms that allow you to live your life!

*************************************************************************************************

When Filing For Disability by Jennifer Pitts, Leslie Wermers, and Anna Willo Hart

These are notes compiled from 3 different people on applying for disability – notes written by Jennifer Pitts, Leslie Wermers (may she rest in peace), and myself, Anna Willo Hart.  As long as this writing is kept in its original form, anyone is welcome to share it with people who need this information!  I’ve been told by several friends that this was the first bit on disability that didn’t make their heads want to spin off; I take that as a good sign! lol!

Namaste’

Willo

When filing for disability, determination is usually not based on a diagnosis but is based on one’s ability to function. It is also not based on the doctor’s opinion that one is disabled, but rather on the documentation of one’s ability to function, number of systems affected, number of symptoms, severity of symptoms (etc), that is in one’s file.

The SSA has what is called the Adult List of Impairments. Under 14.00 (Immune System Disorders) you will find Lyme disease listed under 14.09 – Inflammatory Arthritis.

The spectrum of inflammatory arthritis includes a vast array of disorders that differ in cause, course, and outcome. Clinically, inflammation of major peripheral joints may be the dominant manifestation causing difficulties with ambulation or fine and gross movements; there may be joint pain, swelling, and tenderness. The arthritis may affect other joints, or cause limitation in ambulation or in the performance of fine and gross movements. However, in combination with extra-articular features, including constitutional symptoms or signs (severe fatigue, fever, malaise, involuntary weight loss), inflammatory arthritis may result in an extreme limitation.
http://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/14.00-Immune-Adult.htm

Your reason of disability is how these diseases have disabled the body as a whole. You are disabled because: fatigue, neuropathy, seizures, fibromyalgia like pain, parkinson’s like tremors, ataxia, tummy troubles, short term memory problems, muscle malfunction, joint pain or stiffness, headaches, palsy, brain fog, weakness or paralysis, insomnia, impaired cognition, and so on. If there are mental health aspects, include those too — depression, anxiety, panic, PTSD, mood swings, distorted memory, crying for no reason, rage, etc..

Look from head to toe and describe WHY you can’t function. Not: because I have Lyme & co-infections, I can’t work. That’s a guaranteed denial.

Review the list of impairments and go into them further. Look up symptom lists of Lyme and TBIs in general and mark down every little thing you suffer from. Leave nothing out. Two of our favourite symptom lists are from from PA Lyme’s “The Basics” which is available online (google “PALyme The Basics” without the quotations to find the URL to download the PDF file) and Dr. James Schaller’s Symptom Lists: http://www.amazon.com/Checklists-Bartonella-Babesia-Lyme-Disease/dp/0984088954/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376519537&sr=8-1&keywords=Dr+James+Schaller

The diseases are the causative factor, but, the most important part of disability will be affected by the impairments listed.

Here is a good link that takes you through the process from the viewpoint of the SSA:
http://www.socialsecurity.gov/dibplan/dqualify.htm
I recommend that anyone seeking disability benefits purchase the Insurance Issue of Lyme Times from LymeDisease.Org (formerly) CALDA for $10.

http://www.lymedisease.org/lyme_times/issues/lyme_times_issues_insurance.html

It is HIGHLY valuable in explaining how the disability process works with Lyme, includes many form letters for your use and is all around brilliant.

I also suggest purchasing (or checking out from the library) the Nolo’s Guide to Social Security Disability Getting & Keeping Your Benefits:  http://www.nolo.com/product.cfm/objectID/03C58536-EEDE-41D7-90FC0E4DAA51B476/213/

You should absolutely download the: Worksheets from the Disability Workbook ($5)
(http://www.disabilityfacts.com/Bookstore/e-book_Form.html — close to the bottom of the page — the full workbook can be bought for $20)

It will make the process so much easier, especially for the brain fogged like us. 🙂

Include all of the worksheets, if this is an appeal don’t forget your appeal letter (Nolo should give a good example as does the Lyme Times Insurance Issue) and also get the SSA into your medical record — send the worksheets to your doctor with a note that they need to be sent to the SSA when medical records are requested.

You should also consider the:

Disability Evaluation in a Nutshell the 3 minute guide to effective medical reports.
(http://www.disabilityfacts.com/Bookstore/Booklist.html — it’s targeted towards the physician. $5)

You will want to include peer reviewed information about Late Stage/Chronic Lyme.

Examples:

Relapse/Persistence of Lyme Disease Despite Antibiotic Therapy

http://www.lymeinfo.net/medical/LDPersist.pdf

Seronegativity in Lyme borreliosis and Other Spirochetal Infections

http://www.lymeinfo.net/medical/LDSeronegativity.pdf

Some other great info to include can be found on this LymeInfo page: http://www.lymeinfo.net/neuropsych.html (lots of peer reviewed literature there!)

Include the CT Attny General’s finding on the IDSA 2006 guidelines:

http://www.lymemed.nl/discussie/point&counterpoint.pdf

http://www.fda.gov/medbull/summer99/Lyme.html

http://www.ilads.org/cdc_paper.htm
http://www.guideline.gov/summary/summary.aspx?doc_id=4836&nbr=3481&string=lyme

http://www.columbia-lyme.org/flatp/breaknewsfull.html#1-05
Add the fact that the IDSA was forced to review their guidelines.

Add any information that is pertinent to you, information the people looking over your case should know: the Poughkeepsie Journal articles on Lyme, the newer studies about Rhesus Monkeys and Biofilms, for example.

It is known that 70% of cases are denied via initial application, but a very high proportion of them get approved when it goes before an administrative law judge (I think after 2 appeals).

In the documentation you send — whether it’s an appeal or the first application — as a cover page, list the items that you are enclosing.

For example —

*Social Security Questionnaire
*Worksheets from the disability workbook (list individually)
*Residual Functional Capacity Questionnaire
*List of doctors (the worksheets have those)
*ILADS Guide to Lyme
*ILADS Guide to Lyme for Psychiatrists (http://www.ilads.org/PsychiatristBrochure.pdf)
*ILADS’ Evidence-based guidelines for the management of Lyme disease (http://www.guideline.gov/summary/pdf.aspx?doc_id=4836&stat=1&string=lyme)
*Findings of Connecticut Attorney General regarding the multiple conflicts of interest and flaws of the IDSA Guidelines
*Letters from Friends and/or coworkers (insert how many)
*Medical records from xyz doctors that back up the individual troubles (sleeping, pain, neuro, gastro, etc)
*Any educational materials you want to include

Also, if they are unable to obtain your doctor’s information, or if they have any questions, ask that they contact you directly before making a final determination on the claim.

Call your caseworker to check status. Be very friendly — even if they lose something. It does absolutely no good to get angry, in fact that could be damaging to your case.

When filling out worksheets or applications, make sure to emphasize what you can no longer do — NOT the work-arounds you’ve put in place.

Examples:

“I can no longer walk more than 2 blocks unassisted,” rather than, “I have to use a cane to walk more than 2 blocks.”

Or: “I have gotten lost a number of times on familiar routes,” instead of, “I bought a GPS to help me find my way home.”

Some other great links to peruse:

http://www.cfids-me.org/disinissues/index.html#essays

..especially the following link, though the above worksheets captured much of the information. It can be edited as you need in order based on what information you have. VERY LONG but good:

http://www.cfids-me.org/socsec.html

Others:

http://www.disabilitysecrets.com/social-security-disability-lyme-disease.html

http://www.disabilityfacts.com/Bookstore/Booklist.html

http://www.lymediseaseassociation.org/SSI.html

http://www.disabilityfacts.com/faqs.html
Okay, we know that’s lots of random info.. but we hope there’s something helpful in here for everyone who needs it!

Disability seems like this huge task to overcome, but if you sit down with the right worksheets this job can become a lot easier.

Good luck!!

Les, Jenn, and Willo

Therapeutic Juicing for Lyme: A recipe for symptom reduction

01 Thursday Jul 2010

Posted by in Therapeutic Juicing for Lyme: A recipe for symptom reduction

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Juicing has been a lifesaver for me more times than I can count. About a year and a half ago I went to the emergency room because my brain felt like it was swelling, and dealing with Las Vegas hospital staff that knew nothing about lyme was almost worse than the awful sensation. While I was sent home empty handed, I knew I had to do something. I called my LLMD and he wanted me to go on bicillin for the symptoms which he believed was caused by the bacteria entering the nerve cells and creating the sensation of swelling, I guess like a neuropathy of the brain. The symptoms, he said, are also caused by the toxins the bacteria release. I have to say that the reason my symptoms were so out of control at the time was because I was trying to come off of antibiotics and I had started using a rife machine (more on this in another blog).

I had been off of all antibiotics for about three/almost four months at the time and desperately wanted to be free of them, so I decided against the bicillin. Because I understood that the toxins from the bacteria were what were causing most of my immediate problem, I started thinking of how to reduce the toxic load in my system. I took a number of supplements, but the thing that really got me “out of the woods” that time was a juicing protocol I developed. I have been juicing and using raw foods since I found out I had lyme disease, and I know this has helped me tremendously with both the effects of the disease and with the effects of the drugs I had to take for the disease. While ultimately, I did go back on antibiotics, I used the following protocol that made me feel at least 80 % better!

I went on a 10 day juicing protocol that reduced many of my symptoms by the second day. People with lyme have to think about so many things, like avoiding yeast problems caused by the antibiotics and avoiding sugar. I created a recipe that chelated toxins out of my body with copious amounts of chlorophyl (the green veggie’s pigment), but that at the same time avoided large amounts of sugar, and had a mild drinkable taste to it. I kept the recipe really simple with only three veggies, celery, cucumber, and italian flatleaf parsely. I would just juice large quantities (60 oz) of them and keep it in the fridge, drinking it throughout the day.

So, it’s 60 full ounces of green juice (almost 8 – 8 oz glasses) a day, you juice it in the morning and keep it in your fridge. It takes about 30 minutes with preparation, juicing and clean up. I always continued to eat regularly, probably a little less because of the juice, but I did not do a juice fast. Juice fasting is a totally separate modality and it detoxifies you too fast, especially if you are having a lyme flare. What I am talking about is simply adding in the juice to your daily routine and believe me, It did make me feel about 80% better, gave me a great boost of energy, and aided in healing my internal organs. It’s crazy to think that just juicing can help so much, but it does and it has dozens of positive effects besides symptom alleviation. The therapeutic factor is both the type of juice (green juice) and the large amount of juice throughout the day for a series of days in a row. One glass will not do the job! Trust me on this one. It is also pretty affordable.

keep in mind symptom reduction/alleviation is very important when you are on the road to curing lyme, because the road is a long one! Just getting to the point that you don’t feel like you are dying, or wanting to die is a huge blessing. I have used this simple 10 day protocol many times since then because it is so effective.

Lisa’s Green Drink Recipe: (this should make about 60 full ounces, give or take)

2 whole bunches of celery

2 whole cucumbers

1 bunch flatleaf italian (not curly) parsely

*organic is best, but if all you have is a food for less than non-organic will do (just wash really well)

*tip: buy at least three days worth at a time (just multiply recipe above by three), sometimes I get away with four. So you don’t have to run to the grocery store every day. The more convenient you make it, the more likely you will do it.

As far as the juicer goes, I use the Jack Lelane Power Juicer, and there is a reason for it. The hole that the veggies go in is very large so you don’t have to spend a lot of time cutting the veggies down. This is a big deal when you are doing it daily. And it is affordable at about $99.00. I believe target and costco carry them.

http://www.powerjuicer.com/

Subtitles

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by in Cosmic Poetree: A collection of poems by Lisa Sikes

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Subtitles    

I don’t doubt now that i have something to say, i just don’t think anyone is listening

I also don’t doubt that you have something to say, and I’m waiting

yeah, im not a singer

never have been, never will be

i don’t know why God didn’t give me that gift

it seems like it would’ve set me free

Yet I am left, here, like you

to watch memories pile up like bodies in

a genocide trench

only able to look with disbelief at what has happened here

no way to make it right

occassionally I look into the trench but mostly i stand shackled to it’s edge

looking out at the horizon where the reality of now isn’t a picture in my head

I am haunted by the permanance that seems to cradle my hurt

and evade me when wrapped around joy

im pissed off at everyone and all their theories

at this point don’t talk to me unless your God!

Cause Ive had enough of your world with a side of opinion and hold the truth

Bring me more than my blue jean day

then your activist way

I know about the toxins, the bleach

the whales that beach and all the dioxins

what about the racism and facism

the impingement on our civil liberties
the gassed freedom fighters giving up on peace treaties

WE the people make history coming together in the hundreds of thousands

liquidating our choice

for a cause-causing nausea and no veil to drop

the media insuring the mystery to farmer Bob and his rural mob

But all this is besides the point ……I’ve heard it

I know it and Im done

I’m done with the next level of I’m angry as hell and im hitting the streets for peace

im done arguing my political point to the single cell ameoba in suit and tie

over stir fry

unless it’s art its just parrot squack regurgitation

sitting on his own pile of shit

cause his cage hasn’t been changed in weeks or years

and when you don’t change the shit just gets higher and higher

maybe ill rise up on my own pile of shit and be able to touch the truth

or at least some of it

I could form my own delusional empire or, I could just set myself on fire

Think for yourself

Seriously

when your world is small, you get tunnel vision and set yourself on a tiny little mission

through the grid, through the maze

thinking you’re customizing your days,

but your days are falling off the factory line

suckin up your time

And now, your’e suckin up mine

But hey, what do i know?

More importantly ,do I want to grow?

or stay frozen in time in my own sillouette

lookin at the future’s stampede of regret

listen, thats not gonna work out for me

so if we could just go ahead and open my heart that would be great

i ended this years ago poem with an angry rant that does not now suit me

i am much less angry and looking for God

between the gap of how you see me and who i really am

for whats important , if anything really is

for meaning outside of institutions and in between thoughts

where the synapse of silence carries all the answers and the absence of answers

where i feel most whole for mere moments at a time

where i try to return again and again and resist being carried away by normalcy or even brilliance

because even in the most fulfilled moment of my waking life i am not content

Yet more and more I am filled with flashes of gratitude so great that i weep

with love that even a foreign film could not capture

even though it has subtitles and is smart

If only we could have subtitles under our days

they would carry us away like night because cancled out and contradicted

our lives would take flight.

A Poem by Lisa Sikes

This is my prayer for our World

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by in Cosmic Poetree: A collection of poems by Lisa Sikes

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Born out of a universal love, a time will come when
the future is
bright
When relaxing is a virtue, health is a prevalent
given, and people will

laugh for a living
The Spirit will be honored above all else and your
neighbors will be
your friends
Holding someone will be joyful and pain will cease to
exist
This is my prayer for our world
Be hopeful young children, we who love you are here;
and people still
care
All is not lost in this world as a tree is being
planted every day, and

for each tree a gardner is born
These gardens will flower into a oneness of earth and
time, yet space
will be no more
All that is wanted for will be had and peace will
abound
This is my prayer for our world

A Poem by Lisa Sikes

Island Poem

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by in Cosmic Poetree: A collection of poems by Lisa Sikes

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it could be today
that the life you dreamed brings tinkling frenzies
and bare naked ladies and you become as strong as the
giant who climbed mt vesuvius
you sit in your splendor and encourage the wonder of
others to
explode and live long in a veggie cafe
where bean balls and soup shine with
healing, and the kind we don’t need anymore
but take just in case

I’ll call you from my villa on some tropical isle
with sheer white fabric dancing in the wind and
I can see the sea straight through my tiki treasure
where all of me lives and dreams come true
I invite you for tea with me and the dream keeper
we will sip cups of steamy mystical wonder
and figure out ways to keep dancing monkeys from
pooping on the white island furniture…that is our
greatest concern…ahhhh
breath deep at the thought of that.
free in all ways, enlightened and all. I pause and
wonder what travel agency can book me a flight.

As my soul takes over I start to cry
everything is so deep and all of the time
I invite eleven wise men to the house of advice
Let go and know the magic
they speak to me in a crimson loud voice they want me
to hear
they rewind my life right in front of me and show me
all the times
they sprinkled me with giggles and soulful
serendipities
It moves me and I must know what I am here for
Please tell me, reveal the secret, open the sacred
gate
let me know

It became quiet and the Ivy grew
I awake floating on a lake with a blanket of fog
and my pillow of squirrels scurry away
thanking the nature I walk on water up to the shore
all of my cells talk to me and I know
A little magical curly haired girl runs up to me
with the moment in her hands and wants to tell me a
secret
she whispers to me my deepest desires
and dissapears into the forevermore with no promise of
tomorrow or returns
I sit with myself knowing more than before

You’ve been talking with the dream keeper for hours at
this point
as I return
you look wiser and are filled with joy
We all sit with the warm and fuzzys and speak with our
eyes
Its been a journey through the dryest of deserts where
the sand
burns our feet and the dust aims for our eyes
rescued by the rabbit hole that falls through the sky
we ended up here
you with your suitcase of support and encouraging
words
and me under an umbrella of promise and new things

A Poem by Lisa Sikes

What I Learned from my Social Work Degree

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by in Cosmic Poetree: A collection of poems by Lisa Sikes

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What I Learned From My Social Work Degree

I learned how to play well with others, even, well especially, with the most difficult kids in the sand box

I’ve learned that there are a lot of people who want to make this world a better place; they just have different ways of doing it

I’ve learned that listening is usually a bigger gift than talking and that hearing someone is even better

I’ve learned that we all have a story to tell, and that sometimes being heard is all it takes to heal

I’ve learned that our own empowerment and personal growth is the soil in which the sweet fruits of helping others’ will flourish

I’ve learned that creating boundaries with doors that you can open and close are better than walls

And that sometimes the word “no” can be a complete sentence

I’ve learned that I’m not always right and that being right isn’t even that important!

I’ve learned there are more than six colors in the rainbow and they all just want to be loved

I’ve learned that diversity is what all human beings have in common

I’ve learned that Spirit led me into the best profession on earth, one whose “soul” purpose is service to others

I’ve learned that a t-shirt that says “been there, done that” will always outweigh a diploma

And that a life deeply touched is more powerful than an “A”

I’ve learned to suspend judgment, and to fill in the gap with compassion

I have learned that it is better to work toward social justice than to fight for it; because fighting is usually part of the problem

With that being said, I know there will always be times when standing up for justice will call the courageous to look fear and opposition directly in the eyes, and for those times social workers should remember to keep always our ringers on!

A Poem by Lisa Sikes

This poem is dedicated to the UNLV BSW class of 2009, to all of our professors, and to the clients we serve.

Flight of the Message

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by in Cosmic Poetree: A collection of poems by Lisa Sikes

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The flight of the message

Just in the delirium of a citrus night I naturally wonder about space and time

My creative heart throbs with chocolate wine

It cries out to the blind night of the world and loves open ears

I hone in astral creations that beg for expression and listen to the art of the ants

What could I possibly add to the complexity of your highest wishes

I am drunk and dancing in the music of my mind that sings out to similar souls

With the fears of my diminishing senses I deeply begin experience that matters

I hope for the souls I know and wish them a life that is worth it

I say things that can only come from the inhibition of headphones and heart

Blessings that are so salient breathe in front of faces that wish they had more

I link together my endings and beginnings and run through the revolving doors

Of predictable experiences

I haven’t been surprised in a while and that doesn’t surprise me

But your story has a twist I don’t yet know of and haven’t yet imagined

Today I became a magician that ruled the table of Bethlehem and prayed in a mosque

The upside down tomato trees hung from the heart of the deep-eyed woman who no one sees

She makes lovely a place of rest where the grapes glow with light and expectations are abandoned

The migration of the ravens painted the sky with an I told you so from the universe

And a point in the right direction

Their upward location aligned my spine with the sky

Clasped in their claws was a message in a bottle and the burden of their wings was like nothing ive seen

A stringless diorama with a message for the world I knew their wings would flap until it was ready to be heard

One bird stopped to sqwak and told me the truth

She said she was tired of her endless flight that started before stars

She knew she wasn’t supposed to and she looked around to see who was watching

After she told me I said I already knew

That I live on the razors edge and know that we came here to be who we already are

That in the spiritual eye lies a gateway in the shape of a star and that we are almost ready

She pressed her beak to my lips and my silence became our song

We shared in each other and felt the beginning of time run through our veins

We were both very tired and took comfort in our commiserated quarantine

As our time together came to an end she placed her weathered wing inside my hand

Looking in my eyes she unloaded her endlessness into my expansion and rejoined her flock

With a zest of newness under her wings she forged to the front of her flying friends

She had a message to deliver

When they asked her how she knew, she said, “a little person told me”


A Poem by Lisa Sikes

Phases

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by in Cosmic Poetree: A collection of poems by Lisa Sikes

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I live life in phases,

I like fresh starts

when i hold out my hand to the flapping mouth made circles out of

zimbabwe lampshades

and hold hand me downs on their land and their bodies

things get for a moment worse

god damn go away noise, and leave me in the shade

The masters came to tell me im awake, and i have to mop the floor

and that i also have to go to school on monday

Text books closed and sold back

the pen in my hand does all the talking

would whats inside of me be enough to forever fill my future with experience

could whats already in here churn out different events

forever

one after the other

other after the one

I want more choices

not one or the other, all or none

or even some

but a choice I have not yet understood and cannot now comprehend

that would twist my mind like roots of the general sherman tree

like the spiral shaped bacteria that has been killing me

it would send me south and keep me searching

but the answers would be in reach

and it wouldn’t be 2+2 or 3+1

which both equal 4, but you already knew that, it’s a common earthly fact

which is why it would not be in my new collection of choices

a toychest of mind treasures made deep by the sunken sea

our minds would make friends with the rest of ourselves and start sailing

we would leave gilligans isle, we would triumph over the others

we would not have a commune but a community

people would not have lives but would live lives

and america would not be free the whole world would be

so speak out your humble truth, but be ware it has side effects

law of unintended consequenses and 1st ammendment fences

I cannot say something that you don’t already know

because the law of limitless has passed its time in your soul

Second Chance

29 Tuesday Jun 2010

Posted by in Cosmic Poetree: A collection of poems by Lisa Sikes

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I should eat more fruit and swallow the pits

run down the halls of fame and recognize myself

when my chance to run wild was woven, when my glass was more than half full

when i smiled because i died and understood deeply that my rebirth was ahead of me

clear

and not like a class room hour

not like the lights that have nothing to do with the Sun

Or the buildings that hold us like cages

But more like when you hear the faithful tears and sweat that a poet has chosen

that bring you into a moment where they meet you in their voice

I want to be where doves fly

I want to know where they go between here and where they land

with white hearts they use their feathers to speak

I want to be the air that touches them

I want green leaves to grow on me and pull their pigment into my soul

I want to eat from the sun and leave the vegetables alone

when i counted down my top twenty songs I made a list that took back

everything

that wiped my slate clean and i became a mirror

when i stood in front of you you understood yourself

you saw your decline, and then i saw mine

you sunk like a soldier

you cried like you lost a child

you lost your body in the wind and smiled like vapor

You decided to let yourself go

but you didn’t gain weight

You grabbed your package of choices and opened them one by one

when you saw that your purpose was to know yourself

you knew for certain that love was on your side

when it hit you like fingers hitting the keys of an out of tune piano

you knew you were out of tune, you knew you had room to grow

with all of this you still had bills to pay, a child to feed, a job to hate, a car to wash, a tv program, dishes to do, people to hate, anxieties to have, doctors to see, opinions to uphold, and wars to wage

most of all you knew you still had the duty of growing old

just then you threw yourself onto an open flame and wallpapered the inside of your soul with posters from your teenage years to remind yourself that

you are this and you are that

That all the things you ever dreamed of doing when you were a child, you’ve already done

that happiness is temporary

that chocolate is good, and advertisement was the invention of evil

when all this became too heavy you set in on the golden arches of letting go

and no one said to you

deal or no deal,

your fired,

thats hot,

or final answer?

No one said pick it back up put in on your shoulders

it left you it was gone, and you were lighter

you held it like a weight lifter, you ran like a champ

you jumped like a child on the bed

you sang like a sparrow in an unpolluted world

and a second chance was what you now knew

you looked around at the empty emptiness and rolled around in space

you took your time

you had a nap

you laughed alot, and danced til it hurt

and you forgot i was watching

A Poem by Lisa Sikes